The Darker Side of My Writer Life
This is not really me whining, just me being honest.
There are days when I do think I should give up this writing thing and find something else to do. Nothing I write or have written so far seems good enough, and some opinions tend to reinforce that.
Those are the days when I really, desperately need to write to keep to my schedule, but I don’t.
I still get ideas for stories and for new characters, but I just let them simmer in the dark corners of my mind.
I get out of these funks eventually. Sometimes because something awesome and writing-related happens. Other times just because it passes. But I am still here, still writing, still planning on giving it my all. Until there’s nothing left to give or hard data really points to the fact I should really give up on my writing career.
So far, it’s been a year and a half, I have three novels out, one novella, and a few short stories. Mostly paranormal, science fiction, or fantasy. Some contemporary romance has slipped through. Both male-female and male-male pairings. Even some throuples, even if not the traditional type.
There’s always more coffee, more music, and more of my dog to inspire me. There’s always another file for me to pour my words into. There are always books, photos, songs, films, TV shows to inspire me. Something always happens in real life that requires me to put it into a story.
And then there’s the reminder that you can’t please everyone, that we all have our doubts and we all need to persevere despite those doubts.
Dark moods, thinking you won’t ever make it, thinking what you do is worthless, feeling like you’re faking it, having the world tell you what you do is a hobby, not a career… Yeah, those come with the territory.
I have learned long ago that what you portray most times is not always the real thing that’s happening in that moment. Sometimes you plaster a smile on top of everything, pat yourself on the back (or kick yourself in the butt), and decide you have got to get out of bed, face the new day, and try again.
You do it while the voices in your head are telling you you’re not good enough, that there’s really no point in trying anymore. Giving up and trying something new is oh, so enticing some days. But that would be you being a total coward, and you just can’t…
So you keep going, despite it all, and do what you do best (or want to do best). For me, that’s writing my story and pimping others’ because this world needs more of them. I do it for all the stories yet untold. For those that pester me and those others have living inside of them. All while hoping there are people out there who will enjoy them, understand them, or be forced to think about certain aspects of them.
Would it be cool to also quit all the other work I am doing? Sure. Is it necessary? Not really.